I am going to give myself some time. I have realized that I am very impatient and I make so many impulsive decisions. The scenario that I am in is clearly a time sensitive one. From its skin, it seems an “out of sight, out of mind” kind of thing.
But underneath it reeks of my loneliness and longing for care and paternal love. I have read so many places that what I desire from the outside, I should develop within. But it is very hard to deal with yourself. I have been thinking about the easier way out: telling them everything and putting the onus of decision making onto them.
They will still probably want to be connected to me because they milk me for all my knowledge. I know they can be helpful to me in the future, but that’s not the reason I am with them currently. I am with them because I want to push myself. I want to see how far this can go without me blowing it up.
Hopefully I don’t blow it up.
But underneath it reeks of my loneliness and longing for care and paternal love. I have read so many places that what I desire from the outside, I should develop within. But it is very hard to deal with yourself. I have been thinking about the easier way out: telling them everything and putting the onus of decision making onto them.
They will still probably want to be connected to me because they milk me for all my knowledge. I know they can be helpful to me in the future, but that’s not the reason I am with them currently. I am with them because I want to push myself. I want to see how far this can go without me blowing it up.
Hopefully I don’t blow it up.