Travelling Opinions

Youth is beyond my grasp. I had this thought while eating a mochi parfait in a japanese izakaya.  He had a square face defined jawline with deep big eyes glistening while he served me the pink white strawberry filled parfait. He was wearing a pink full sleeves tshirt underneath a white tshirt all tucked inside a brown apron. He spoke in slow Japanese with his co workers and spoke in crisp English with me.   Small patch of beard under his chin. He’s in his early twenties. I want to break into sobbing at the loss. But maybe I can also just be happy for his existence. Does he realize he can have such an impact on people? Does anyone? Do I? How can I be happy for his existence when I know what this existence entails. The human condition. I am also sad because of the realization that my attempt to beautify myself indicated that I should not try or else I might end up hurting my body again.